一个Non-Fairy故事

南希Farell photo_CNF

My daughter fell under the spell of fairy tales early on when, as a toddler, she watched 女士与流浪汉 for the first time on a VHS tape that I’d rented at a Delaware County Blockbuster while she fought a stomach bug. She’d enjoyed the movie so much that we gifted her with Lady and Trump stuffed toys for her next birthday. 之后, 她逐渐迷恋上了迪斯尼的其他一切, 直到365安卓官方app下载发现这可能会影响她的世界观. 她小的时候,365安卓官方app下载就警告过她陌生人的危险, 然而,365安卓官方app下载在街上遇到的人,她还是会向他们致以最愉快的问候, 愚蠢的可能. 和, 作为一个青少年, 365安卓官方app下载全家去迪士尼乐园玩的时候, 当365安卓官方app下载踏上美国大街时,她不得不提醒自己呼吸, 尽管365安卓官方app下载谨慎地认为,美国大街上的纪念品商店很诱人, 它们也很昂贵. 幸运的是, even a souvenir as unexceptional as a bag of Mickey Mouse-shaped pretzels made her smile.

作为一名大一新生, 她遇到了一个正直而勤劳的年轻人, and they fell for one another over afternoons at Linvilla Orchards or the Sproul Bowling Lanes and evenings at Friendly’s restaurant or the AMC Theater. 在他们25岁左右的时候,他求婚了. She had officially found her prince, and they said their vows in 2013 on a bright, fall Saturday. 后不久, they found a place to live in Wilmington with copious drafts and missing shingles but a good configuration, and they slowly turned it into a home that included a Cinderella snow globe and a Mickey and Minnie alarm clock.

但这些童话般的联想终将结束, 2014年的圣诞节是结束的开始, 当我女儿和她丈夫, 都是27岁, 他们兴奋地告诉我他们想要成家的愿望. 他们一直在厨房帮我削晚餐用的土豆皮, 当她兴奋地说漏嘴的时候, “妈妈, 365安卓官方app下载想要个孩子.我看到女婿脸红了,就拥抱了他们俩. “多么美妙!我叫道.

365安卓官方app下载聚集在餐厅时,他们把这个消息告诉了家里的其他人. 然后,女儿靠向我,小声说:“谁知道呢,妈妈? 我可能已经怀孕了.我点点头,把手放在她的手上. 365安卓官方app下载不知道会发生什么.

2014年的那个圣诞节,我女儿没有怀孕, 2015年的圣诞节,她也没有怀孕, 2016, 2017, 2018, or 2019. 然而,他们却被诊断为八分之一的不育夫妇.

In 2015, 一年之后没有成功, 我女儿的妇科医生有各种各样的建议, 比如排卵预测工具和生育监测手环等等. 然而, 没有多少日历标记, 温度在, 或者尿浸卡导致怀孕.

2016年,他们拜访了一位不孕不育专家. 人们希望医学上的突破能够介入并解开这个谜团. 与此同时,我的女婿迎来了一个事业上的机遇, 但它要求他在国外生活几个月. 我的女婿不想在外地生活,即使是暂时的, but the Intra-Uterine Insemination (IUI) procedures they were about to begin at the Reproductive Associates of Delaware would be costly, 我女儿安慰他说,更好的工作是最好的. 365安卓官方app下载确定, 细致的计划, 手术可以在我女婿不在的时候进行, 而且我会陪我女儿去看不孕不育门诊.

Ahead of the first IUI, an exploratory surgery was performed to check for cysts or blockages. 我坐在候车室里,心里想着这句话 某物 会被找到,因为 某物 可以补救,但手术结果不确定. 诊断为原因不明的不孕, 这听起来根本不像是诊断, 但是是一个, 365安卓官方app下载发现. 从手术中心开车回家时,我迷路了, 而我女儿在副驾驶上忍受着麻醉后的呕吐. 最终, 我把她安顿在家里,在沙发上放了条毯子, 出土了一些旧的涂色书和蜡笔, 订购一个披萨, 然后溜 木兰 365安卓官方app下载在那里坐了好几个小时.

2017年7月,我握着女儿的手,看着她接受1号人工授精. 需要术后, the doctor left the room while my daughter and I remained for a recommended 20-minute period of lying supine. In the sterile environment, I rubbed her stomach to soothe her and decided to sing Hap Palmer’s 妈妈回来了,她最喜欢的童年歌曲. 她笑着让我安静,但我看到泪水从她的眼睛滑落,所以我继续说. 我唱得很糟糕,但希望能带来好运. Then, two weeks later, when we returned to the doctor’s office, her pregnancy test was negative.

2017年9月, 365安卓官方app下载回到了特拉华生殖协会, 永远充满希望, 因为我的女儿经历了第2次人工授精. “第二次的几率会大一些,”医生说. This 做了n’t seem logical, but my daughter lit up, so I nodded and said, “Well, here we go then!这一次她躺在桌子上, 我没有唱, 但当她闭上眼睛时,我苦苦地寻找安慰的话. We’d brought along what we hoped were good luck charms – a photo of her as a baby in my pocket and a prayer bead bracelet on her wrist. Two weeks later, we returned for her pregnancy test, and once again, there was no pregnancy. 她啜泣着,365安卓官方app下载穿过停车场.

然后我的女婿训练结束回家. 他被派往纽约工作, 365安卓官方app下载都尽力关注这个问题,而不是IUI的失败. We threw them a going away party with decorations and gifts for their new place in Queens. 没有人提到婴儿. 相反,365安卓官方app下载谈论的是纽约的兴奋之情. 这是一个新的开始.

他们与位于法拉盛的纽约生育中心签约. Other than adoption, their last-ditch effort was looming, namely In-Vitro Fertilization (IVF). 在试管受精之前,他们要预约医生、打针和吃药. 他们需要制作一个海报板来记录一切. 有Gonal, Menopur, Ganirelix,黄体酮in Oil, Ovridrel. 这些药物包括来曲唑、美多洛、艾斯特莱斯、希舒美、脱氢表雄酮、CoQ10和Prenate. 经过数周的准备, the doctor inserted a needle into my daughter’s ovarian follicle and retrieved six eggs. 这些卵子被放置在培养皿中,精子在那里等待.

接下来的周末,我和丈夫去拜访了他们. 365安卓官方app下载在皇后区逛了几个小时, but mostly listened for a call from the doctor to learn how many of the six eggs had been fertilized. 当电话终于来的时候, 医生报告说两个卵子受精得很好, 两个可接受, 这两个是不可行的. The four useable embryos would be allowed to remain in the culture dish until they became blastocysts, 大约在受精后5天. It was decided that the two excellent blastocysts would be transferred to my daughter’s uterus, 而两个可以接受的则会被冷冻起来以备将来使用.

试管受精1号于2018年4月进行. 注射和药物治疗仍在继续, and they were scheduled to return to the doctor’s office in two weeks for a pregnancy test. 那一天, 我女儿冒着倾盆大雨从医生的停车场给我打电话, “我发现, 妈妈, 有一个排放, 所以我想我没有怀孕,”她绝望, 她快速移动的雨刷发出嗖嗖的背景声. 然而,他们收到的消息却恰恰相反. 他们是怀孕! 医生说,流脓是正常的,而着床往往是原因. 我高兴得想大喊大叫,却发现自己吓呆了. 有太多的利害关系.

在接下来的几个星期里, 365安卓官方app下载家和女婿家都希望如此, 祈祷, 求我让她怀孕. My husband visited his father’s grave to ask for this one favor, this one blessing, if possible. 等待是可怕的, 但365安卓官方app下载愿意勇敢地承受, 如果它能导致健康的怀孕.

然而,在2018年阵亡将士纪念日的那个周末,她们流产了. 流量增加了. It had not been from implantation, but had been a slow breakdown of the implanted blastocyst. 之后, they drove from NY to the NJ shore to spend the rest of the holiday weekend with family in Brigantine, 我妈妈开了一家总是很拥挤的店, 但深受喜爱, 1950年的时代平房. 365安卓官方app下载坐在久经风雨的门廊上,等着女儿和女婿的到来, 当他们这么做的时候, 大家都走进去安慰他们.

试管婴儿2号于2018年7月进行. 将两个冷冻囊胚解冻后转移. 这个周期, my daughter took a leave of absence from work in the hope that being inactive would boost their chances. 两周后,她们回来做孕检,结果再次呈阳性. 我尽我最大的努力消除消极的想法. 没有退伍. 怎么会有连续流产呢? 终于轮到他们了,不是吗?

在怀孕四周时,我的女儿和女婿做了第一次超声波检查. 屏幕上看不到什么东西, 但技术人员称这是正常现象, 于是365安卓官方app下载松了一口气. 我和丈夫在皇后区再次拜访了他们, 带着装满健康食品和饮料的购物袋. 做一些有益的事情的愿望是显而易见的.

在五个星期, an ultrasound showed a yolk sac — great news — but a fetal pole was to be expected and was not there.  技术人员说:“别担心,下次可能会找到胎儿极.”

第二次超声波检查定于下周进行. 365安卓官方app下载想要抛弃这中间的日子.

在六周的时候,365安卓官方app下载得知胎儿杆子已经看得见了. 这里再一次出现了警告. 我的女儿告诉365安卓官方app下载,“他们 做了 expect to see the 听到tbeat today too, but they 做了n’t, and so they hope to detect it next week.”

在第7周时,超声检查发现了一个微小的心跳. 它被称为“闪烁”.然后,另一个警告是,“365安卓官方app下载也应该这样做。 听到 the 听到tbeat, however,” the technician said, but added, “let’s see what we’ve got next week.”

但到了第二个星期,他们听到的却不是心跳的声音. Rather, it was the sound of the technician’s voice letting them know that the “flicker” had vanished.

这是劳动节周末的开始, 这是命运的安排, 又一次流产被诊断出来. 这一次, an examination of the uterine contents revealed a female embryo with an extra chromosome that would have led to serious birth defects. 休息一天之后, 我的女儿和女婿又回到了布里坚特的平房. 像以前一样,365安卓官方app下载在门廊上等他们. 那天晚上吃晚饭的时候, we talked about how their miscarriages had bookended the summer of 2018—Memorial Day weekend and Labor Day weekend. 这是一个365安卓官方app下载渴望休息的夏天.

As I write this, 2020 has just begun, and my daughter and son-in-law remain childless. 在经历了试管婴儿手术和失败后,他们决定尝试收养孩子. 2019年初,他们与纽约的一名收养律师会面, 谁给了他们很多建议, 但没有明确的路径来寻找一个可以收养的孩子. The lawyer explained that couples today advertise in order to locate potential birth mothers. 365安卓官方app下载发现这很不寻常,直到一些互联网调查证实了这是真的. The lawyer also explained that my daughter and son-in-law would first need to become NY-certified adoptive parents. 这一过程耗时6个月完成. The contents of a packet that was placed before a NY judge and scrutinized included employment and financial records, 背景调查, 指纹分析报告, 还有一份持证社工的家庭调查报告. 研究他们的婚姻关系和心理健康状况, 还有关于大家庭的问题. 今天, 我的女儿和女婿创建了一个网站, 以及社交媒体账号, all of which endeavor to encapsulate who they are and the unconditional love that they long to share with a child. 他们设计并印制了明信片来表达他们收养孩子的愿望, 他们还在教堂布告栏上登广告. 到目前为止, 他们的运气并没有改变, 但他们告诉365安卓官方app下载,他们比以往任何时候都更爱彼此, 一线希望. They now have two nephews and can often be found building Lego towns with them or treating them to Disney on Ice and Paw Patrol Live.

虽然身体和情感上的困难是明确无误的, 还有一个困难值得一提, 这就是不孕症造成的经济损失. 大多数保险计划不包括治疗. IUI过程可以从$2开始运行,000 to $4,000, 包括检测前, 药物治疗和随访. 我的女儿和女婿可以用他们的积蓄来进行两个人工授精程序, 但对于体外受精, 他们被迫使用信用卡. 他们接受的两个试管婴儿周期的费用是17500美元. They opted for the “special rate,” which meant they signed on for two IVF cycles from the get-go. 如此巨额的信用卡账单是不可能很快或轻易还清的. 此外,每月的信用卡账单提醒着人们可能已经发生了什么.

My daughter and son-in-law tell us that everything they’ve gone through will be worth it when they finally bring home a child, 无论它如何发生. 至于我, 我想象着那一天, 想象着我和我丈夫亲吻365安卓官方app下载未来的孙子. 我几乎能看见:我的女儿靠过来跟我耳语, 就像2014年圣诞节一切开始时一样. 只是这次,她会说:“妈妈,你能相信365安卓官方app下载有了一个孩子吗?”


南希·法雷尔(南希·法雷尔)是一位专注于自传作品的终身作家. 她在宾夕法尼亚州的Media担任法律助理. If you would like to connect with the couple featured in “一个Non-Fairy故事” about your own infertility struggle or if you are considering giving up a child for adoption, 欢迎参观 http://www.mandmadopt.com.