你需要指导吗?? (Y/N)
>n
You wake up to yelling from downstairs, just like yesterday. 你发现你的眼镜在床头柜上，感觉世界回到焦点. Your room has gotten progressively filthier since you arrived here. 有一个点, 就在几个月前, when you could still navigate the mess to find what you needed—deodorant, 错误的袜子, 三角函数所需的昂贵计算器. 但现在，五个月过去了，任何掉在地上的东西都已经消失了.
Beside you in bed is your laptop, still on from the night before. This might be the only object that will never be lost to the heap. 你不知道没有它你会做什么.
> open laptop
电脑处于休眠模式. You lean in and study the screen, trying to remember where you left off.
你还没来得及继续读下去，就被楼下更多的尖叫声打断了. “你是醒着的?!”
> ignore
你又回到笔记本电脑前开始阅读.
游戏一开始是在堪萨斯州中部的一个绝密地下监狱. There’s a long description of how oppressive the room feels. 玩家不知道自己为什么会被关进监狱——好像是一个企图统治世界的神秘精英组织. 你记得这个更好.
You hear footsteps in the hallway, each one louder than the last. 当他们停下来时，爸爸挥棒打开了门. “你迟到了!” He’s still yelling, even though you’re now in the same room. “你还在等什么??”
> say “i guess i overslept”
“我想我睡过头了，”你说.
“好了，现在你醒了.” His voice is softer now, and more difficult to disregard. “穿上衣服，拿点吃的.他走下楼去, 你关上笔记本电脑, find your bookbag amidst the wreckage on the floor, 和穿好衣服.
> go to the kitchen
Pop’s at the stove, cracking eggs over his cast-iron pan. “那么这种睡眠模式是怎么回事呢?”他说. It’s technically a question, but he delivers it as a statement. 你不确定如何给出答案. 你都不确定他是不是在找.
> say “i was writing”
“我在写作，”你说.
他又敲开了一个鸡蛋. “You seem to think you can get through high school without sleep.”
Up until five months ago, you’d only spent time with Pop on holidays. It wasn’t that you’d disliked him; you hadn’t had any say in the matter. According to your mother, the family was toxic. 令人厌恶的人. “我爸爸太挑剔了，”她总是说.
她说的没错. 自从你开始和爸爸住在一起, 他说得很清楚，你需要“好好表现”,到“开始工作”,to“变得严肃起来”.每次他提到这些事情，你就点头, though you’re not sure if he really expects you to change. 你十六岁. Part of you thinks he knows that you’re not actually listening.
“你需要专注于你的学业,他现在说, placing some runny eggs and dry toast in front of you. “And to be able to focus on your schoolwork, you need sleep.”
> eat quickly and head to the bus
当Pop喋喋不休地谈论男子气概、责任和“365安卓官方app下载生命中的决定性时刻”时，你默默地吞下盘子.“你嘴里还塞满了东西, 在他开始他每天关于如何避免你妈妈的错误的说教之前，你径直走向门口.
The yellow bus pulls up to the corner just as you arrive. 当你登机时，你会扫描空位. 只剩下两个. 后排有一个, where the kids with vape pens sit and blow grape-scented rings, and then there’s the cramped space behind the driver.
> sit behind the driver and take out laptop
You take the seat behind the driver and open your laptop. Almost everyone on the bus is staring at a screen, 但他们会看到自己最喜欢的youtube用户恳求订阅，或者听一些关于药物和心碎的抱怨歌曲. 但是你，你不一样. 你工作.
You once tried to explain it all to a classmate, a shy kid with greasy hair you thought might be sympathetic, 甚至有兴趣. 它没有工作.
“这是一个游戏?”他问.
你点了点头.
“但这只是说说而已?”
你知道详细说明是没有意义的.
> open new doc
你打开一个新的医生，绞尽脑汁地想过去几天听到的短语. 你在页面顶部输入“BORDERLINE”，然后盯着它在白色背景下的位置. Your cursor blinks, like it’s taunting you to press Delete.
你忽略了这种冲动，而是试着想象故事可能从哪里开始. You try to imagine the options that would be offered to the player. You try to imagine the narratives that would arise from their choices, 还有后面的那些, 还有后面的那些. 你开始有点头晕, 但是你继续打字, 希望其中一些会比你前一晚写的更有意义.
公共汽车停下来了. 你已经到了学校.
> hide
对不起，我没听懂你的要求.
> hide under seat
对不起，我没听懂你的要求.
> head to first period
Ms. Andrews is already starting the lesson when you arrive. “I want to give you some time to work on your memoir projects today,当你坐在办公桌上时，她说. It’s an assignment the class started last week. 可是你一个字都没写. 任何时候. 安德鲁斯允许在课堂上写作, 而不是把时间花在《365app下载手机版》上,这是一款关于Giuseppe Crambino试图在Crambino犯罪集团中夺取他的合法位置的冒险游戏. 你进了二十间屋子才意识到你根本不知道黑帮的事. Demoralized, you’d pressed Ctrl+A and deleted the whole thing. 你写的一万五千字突然消失了，取而代之的是一片空白.
“好的,”女士. 安德鲁斯说，“365安卓官方app下载开始工作吧!”
> open the borderline
你拿出笔记本电脑, 从睡眠模式恢复电源, 重新打开含有《365安卓官方app下载》的Doc.” You decide to avoid reading whatever you’d written on the bus. 你想专注于加法，而不是减法，所以你开始键入任何想到的东西. 人物素描, 可能的房间, 叙事网——所有这些都可能是有价值的, 只要你能找到合适的地方. 在这一点上，唯一的目标是试着让你的手指移动的速度和你的思路一样快.
When you look up from your frantic typing, you realize Ms. 安德鲁斯在你后面. “你在写回忆录吗?” You know this is what she’d call a rhetorical question.
>lie
“是的,”你说. 你知道这并不令人信服.
She squats beside you, hovering just above the ground so she’s eye-level. “You know, your grandfather told me that this is an interest of yours. 诚实? 我觉得这听起来很酷.“她在微笑，但你可以看出这是被迫的. 整件事感觉像是在演戏. 你想象的女士. 安德鲁斯和老爷子在教室里, sitting across from one another in comically small student desks, 孵化这精心制作的, pathetic plan to try and solve the problem that is your life.
>don’t respond
你不回应.
“You know, I used to play some of these games when I was a kid,” Ms. 安德鲁斯说. “软盘. 你知道那些是什么吗?”
>say “yes”
“是的,”你说.
“我记得所有这些游戏都非常注重故事叙述. 我的意思是，如果你把所有的空闲时间都花在编写这些游戏上，那么你一定要做大量的写作工作.”她微笑. 这是为了安慰你. “这只是让我觉得，如果你把这些精力花在这门课的写作作业上, 然后你的成绩就会提高. 我打赌你的比赛也会越来越好.”
>don’t respond
你不回应.
“你知道，”她压低声音说，以免其他学生听到. “我真的认为像这样的任务, 你被要求深入了解你的过去, 筛选你的记忆, 可能对你特别有帮助.”她停顿了一下. “我知道你经历了很多.”
What you want to say is that your writing has nothing to do with the past. 它不是沿着一条向后的直线. 它不遵循任何直线. 不，你的写作与现在有关. 你的故事表明，一切都可能在任何特定的时刻突然改变, 没有什么是真正固定的, 一切都取决于你的下一步行动.
>say “can i use the bathroom”
“我可以用一下洗手间吗??“你说. Ms. 安德鲁斯点了点头，然后转向下一个学生. 你会感觉很糟糕. She’s convinced that she’s finally broken through. 她真的以为你要去洗手间痛哭流涕，然后往你脸上泼些冷水, 你会焕然一新地回到房间, ready to exorcise all of your pain through the 750 word assignment.
>leave classroom with backpack
当女士. 安德鲁斯开始和另一个学生一起学习，你拿起背包，走出门去. The restroom is to the east, a few hundred feet away. 往西10英尺处是一个紧急出口，你可以看到老师们用来偷偷抽烟的.
>take exit door to the west and walk off campus
You step outside the door, amazed by how much fresher the air feels. 有传言说学校的建筑里仍然充斥着石棉现在你确定这是真的了.
You’re not too familiar with the neighborhood around school. 你从来没有像一些大一点的孩子那样走出校园去吃午饭，你也从来没有在乘车时注意过街道上的标志和地标. That time’s always been dedicated to working on the next game.
>use gps on phone to find route home
You pull out your phone and type in Pops’ address. 应用程序开始缓冲, 圆圈图标一遍又一遍地旋转, 让你再多等一会儿. As you’re staring, you feel someone approaching. 你告诉自己不要惊慌, 但你也开始为自己为什么没来上课找一些合理的借口.
“你还记得我吗?“你抬头看到的是一个年纪更大的女人. She’s smiling wide, exposing her unnaturally white teeth. “我是你妈妈的朋友.她说得好像这是件好事. You figure they must have fallen out of touch before everything happened.
“好吧,”你说. 它脱口而出，不加思索. 你希望这听起来有礼貌.
“她是如何?女人说.
你不知道如何回答这个问题. 她穿着一套海军蓝的套装, 就是妈妈多年前在城市另一边的律师事务所前台工作时穿的那种. 也许妈妈那时认识这个女人. 也许这个女人还在那里工作. Maybe everyone at the law firm wears pantsuits, 当他们问问题时微笑, and reaches the bare minimum of what qualifies as a “functioning adult.” As far as you can tell, the woman seems to have her life together. 你想知道她家里有没有孩子. 你想知道他们是怎么看她的. You wonder if they appreciate the fact that their mom is simply present, 如果他们意识到有一个可靠的、乏味的、有耐心和自控能力的父母是一件多么幸福的事.
女人的微笑变成了关切的凝视. “你没事吧??”她说.
> run
你想跑到哪里去?
> home
你转身离开那个女人，朝着你希望是老爷子家的方向. You start with a fast walk, but in just a few steps it turns into a jog. 那个女人在你身后叫着，想知道她是不是说错了什么话，但你没有回应. 很快，你开始冲刺，每走一步，包里的笔记本电脑就会撞击你的脊柱.
After a few blocks, you stop to catch your breath. 你弓着背，双手放在膝盖上，气喘吁吁地盯着人行道. When your pulse has finally returned to its normal pace, you take in the surroundings: you’re in front of the post office, 在4点熟食店对面. 老爷子的家离这里只有几分钟路程. You know he’ll be furious when he sees you at home, but you’re too tired to spend the day wandering around town. You’ll suck up your pride and nod along with his lecture, 希望这种明显的绥靖政策能阻止他把你扔进车里，送你回安德鲁斯的英语课.
When you enter the house, Pops is fast asleep on the living room couch. 你意识到你在学校的时候，你从来没有真正考虑过他整天都在做什么. 看着他，眼睛紧闭，双腿支在扶手上，你想知道为什么. 他的皮肤似乎正在失去色素, 露出紫色和蓝色的静脉，让你想起生物课本中的人体解剖学章节. It’s easy to forget that he’s old enough to require a mid-morning nap, 他在20年前退休时并没有打算收留你.
>go to bedroom
You quietly climb the stairs and return to your room. 你躺在床上打开你的笔记本电脑. “BORDERLINE”还在屏幕上，你再读一遍前几行, trying to put yourself back in the state-of-mind you’d found before Ms. 安德鲁斯打断了. 但是不管你把开头的内容再读多少遍，你都找不到可以继续读下去的词. You’re still thinking about Pops lying on the couch, 街上那个面带微笑的女人, 关于她的尴尬方式. Andrews whispered, “我知道你经历了很多.”
你还在想着妈妈. 你总是想着妈妈.
你关闭“边界”的文件，然后重新打开你昨晚开始的内容:“像用莫尔斯电码说话.你突出了所有的故事文本, 每个压抑的地下掩体的描述以及玩家对自己处境的困惑, 并按删除. 剩下的就是标题了，在Doc的顶部居中，等待指示.
“You wake up to yelling from downstairs,” you type, “just like yesterday.”
凯文·米. 科尔尼的作品曾出现在《365app下载手机版》、《365安卓官方app下载》、《365安卓官方app下载》等杂志上. 他是退稿信的小说编辑也是PopMatters的特约撰稿人. 他在费城生活和教书. 他的更多作品可以在 kevinmkearney.com.