在线奖励:如何哀悼一个家

  1. Become so attached that you cannot separate your identity from it

和你爱的人一起生活,一起成长. 利用房子的每一个部分,每一平方英寸. Let your siblings teach you how to use the foyer and living room for floor hockey. 使用高, angled ceilings in the living room as movie screens and decorate the largest possible Christmas tree every year. Use the unfinished basement for band practice or gymnastics or as the set for a music video. 用淋浴来淋浴,也要哭. 也在你的房间里哭吧. 在每个房间和每个重要的人一起笑. 笑爸爸在客厅的沙发上打鼾. Laugh at mom leaving her retainer on the kitchen counter. Laugh at your brothers wrestling in the living room, the kitchen, the basement, and every bedroom.

战斗,也. Deliver one word answers when your parents ask you how your day was. Roll your e是的 at every tip your dad offers after your games and tell him you don’t need his help. Pretend you don’t hear the catch in your mom’s voice when she asks if you like her. Tell your brother you hate him, and don’t talk to him for days. 争论不断. 摔门. 打墙.

Doing all of this, the place should know you better than you do.

 

  1. 暂时离开

去上学,去工作,或者只是离开. 认为理所当然. 在高墙之外学习和成长. Tell the people you meet about your home and about the people who live there. About the floor hockey and about the laughter and about the cruel things you’ve said and regretted there.

受伤. 找一个爱你的人. Try to make it work until you wonder why you’re trying so hard and what that means for you both. Look around once it’s over and realize how few are the friends you have left. 留住那些留下来的人. 尽管困难重重,但要坚持学习和成长. 专注于工作.

想家.

 

  1. 返回

回去. Inhale the familiar smell of your mom’s Italian wedding soup and tune in to the clacking of siblings playing pool in the basement. Run your fingers against the walls as you walk through the hallway. Count the missing wooden fence posts that you knocked off the treehouse while playing soccer in the backyard. Lie down in the treehouse while you look up at the canopy, trace the leaves and remember what you used to daydream about. Fall asleep in the arms of the couch when your family watches football. Smile when the oak tree in the front yard drops an acorn on your head. 它似乎在说,欢迎回来. 记住在一个认识你的地方是什么感觉.

Hug your family for what feels like the first time, and don’t say any more cruel things. 为过去的争论道歉. 在各种意义上感到安慰.

 

  1. 失去它,责怪你所爱的人

Someone will tell you this house won’t be your home for much longer because your parents will decide to downsize now that all their kids have grown up.

询问他们. 问一问为什么他们会在你毕业前这么做. Ask them if they don’t feel connected to it in the same way you do. 当他们解释的时候, 是的, 这比预期的要快, shift the blame to the new homeowners while still holding a grudge with your loved ones. 避免和他们交谈. If they talk to you and you must respond, do so unenthusiastically. 大满贯更多的门. 在更多的淋浴中哭泣. Refuse to believe someone else will call this place that is yours, theirs.

Listen when they tell you they weren’t expecting this to happen so soon either. Pay attention to the tone of their voice, and watch their e是的 as they tell you this. 听听他们没有说什么. 看到他们也有感觉. 如果可以的话,不要责怪他们.

 

  1. 记住每一平方英尺

Enjoy every inch of the place while you can, while still refusing to accept you will lose it soon. 记住地板上的每一次咯吱声, 墙上所有的油漆碎片, 你以前藏身的每一个角落, every heater you and your brother would sit in front of in the winter when you were little, 你爬过的每一棵树. Remember the meals you’ve shared there with the people you love, 节日庆祝, even the family reunion in the backyard you were too young to remember, and the family dog that bit the neighbors that you’ve only heard stories about. Imagine how many more memories your family has made there years before you were born that you don’t even know about.

Don’t forget the time capsule you and your neighbors buried in the backyard years ago, the clicking sound of the dryer as it tossed your icy clothes after a day of sledding, the cracks in the driveway you used to avoid when you were on your rollerblades following closely behind your brothers. 都写下来. 拍照.

Drink champagne with friends and family in the empty house the last night that it’s still yours. Share fond memories of sleepovers in the living room, camping in the backyard. Notice how bare it looks with all of your family’s things moved out.

试着享受最后一晚,但要知道你不会. 真希望你能和它一起过一天. 在脑海中或纸上为每个房间写一首颂歌.

 

  1. Settle somewhere new knowing it will not be the same, but that it will be enough

When you want to complain that the kitchen is smaller than your old home, 或者是墙太薄了, or that it isn’t big enough for the holidays when everyone comes home, 把你的舌头. 而不是, listen as your mom rambles about all the changes they’re going to make, 她想让这里有家的感觉. 拿把画笔,一把锤子,一把钻.

在你周围寻找家的碎片. In the smell of the backyard’s freshly cut grass where you still play soccer. In the creaking sound of your grandmother’s old rocking chair as your dad dozes during the holidays. In the basement where at the pool table siblings break, share stories, and scheme together. In the family photo albums you routinely flip through that stand tall on the living room shelves. In your parents’ glistening e是的 when they have all the kids home for the holidays.

Then, with these fragments, reconstruct what home means to you.


他刚从爱默生学院毕业, 基拉Venturini住在华盛顿, DC和在非营利行业工作. She grew up in Wallingford, Pennsylvania as the youngest in her family of five. 她的作品发表在《365app下载手机版》杂志上.